I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
