On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
