they need to just BURY HIM!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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