everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
that's an acceptable place to lick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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