so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize