i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
