Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
