We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
