with your own penis?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
