Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize