38 yer olds are good kisserssss
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
