I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
