Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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