I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
