If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
