he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize