the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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