His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
