first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
