i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize