so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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