Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
