I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize