The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize