there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
