Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
