Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
