My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
