I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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