Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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