It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
