I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
