Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
