Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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