Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
