i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
