it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
