Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
