oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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