____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
