My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
