don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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