you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
