I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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