Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
