i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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