When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
