i was born a porn star she said
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
