I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize