Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
