Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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