My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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