somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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