is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
