I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
