Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
