i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
