Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
