Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left an ass print on the piano.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
