it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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