Got a toothbrush?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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