party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
