2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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