i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
