you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
