tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
