In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
