totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
