hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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