Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize