I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
