so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
