What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
