you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sext me about skeletons
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
