ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize