My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
