when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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