I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
