A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i drank out of a bidet.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
