She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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