But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
