I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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