How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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