Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
