and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
