Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
