And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
