Don't you send me to vm
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
