I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize