I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
