I am in a vortex of obligation.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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