guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
