so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize