I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
