I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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