I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
