I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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