I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
