I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
