I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
